What’s a pronoun for?
St. Barnabas is an incredibly hospitable congregation. I felt it the first time I walked in the door, and I continue to feel and observe hospitality from our members. Lots of congregations say that they are welcoming, but St. Barnabas lives that welcome. We introduce ourselves to people we don’t recognize. We invite visitors to have coffee with us. We wonder what we can do to be more accessible to those who are young, old, or physically disabled. We do all of this because one thing we understand deeply and communally is that our call as Christians is to first love God and, out of that love of God, to love our neighbors. And we understand that the act of loving the neighbor who walks in our doors is to provide an authentic welcome to them.
One of the more recent acts of hospitality that we have begun to practice is to offer pronoun stickers alongside our nametags. Since it is becoming more common that people refer to themselves using pronouns other than he or she, or pronouns that do not match our expectations based on outward appearance, it is important that we be able to express our authentic selves and offer that opportunity to our visitors. Brother Chris Markert, church planter and former Associate to the Bishop in the Texas-Louisiana Gulf Coast Synod of the ELCA, wrote a short primer on “Why Pronouns Matter.”If you have questions about what exactly a pronoun is, or how pronouns relate to the differences between gender identity and biological sex, I encourage you to pause here, and read Brother Chris’ article. (Click the title of the article to read.) But the most important point that he makes is this: “But here’s the thing, friends: You don’t have to understand all of this! It may be new or seem strange to you. You may even not agree with it. That’s okay. However, it is a human kindness to use the pronouns a person asks you to use for them, even if you don’t understand why they want to be called that way. It doesn’t cost you anything to do so. And isn’t it what you want others to do for you?”
It doesn’t cost us anything. And it shows love to our neighbors. People who use pronouns other than he or she, or pronouns that do not match our expectations based on outward appearance, have made it clear that observing others sharing their pronouns (on name tags, on Zoom screens, in conversation) makes them feel comfortable sharing theirs. As members of a minority group, it takes the pressure off of them to stand out and do something no one else is doing. And it saves lives. I’m not being dramatic. The Minnesota Department of Health, in a document entitled “Using a Person’s Correct Pronouns Saves Lives” highlights the importance of using a person’s correct pronouns in suicide prevention. It shares the following statistic: “Transgender and nonbinary youth who reported having pronouns respected by all the people they lived with attempted suicide at half the rate of those who did not have their pronouns respected by anyone with whom they lived.” Simply acknowledging their identity by using the correct pronouns for this group of vulnerable humans cuts their suicide risk in half.
When we share our pronouns on our name tags, we create a safe space for others to do so, and we send the signal to everyone that who you are matters. We allow people to be seen, known, and loved. Some of this information may be new for you. Some of it may make you uncomfortable. That’s ok. We see you, know you, and love you, too, and we want to walk alongside you. Lisa Turnquist and Cindy Dogan are heading an effort to explore what it might be like to be more fully welcoming, as a congregation, to LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC people. They and I (Pastor Stephanie) would be happy to have a conversation with you to address your questions and concerns. That, too, is a part of our culture of hospitality. We’re not afraid to have difficult conversations. God shows up when we struggle together in pursuit of the deep abiding love of God and of neighbor.
For further exploration:
Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians- Austen Hartke
Pronouns as a Spiritual Practice- Rev. Melissa Pohlman
Mainstage presentation by Jamie Bruesehoff at ELCA Youth Ministry Extravaganaza